Words by Julia Johansen // Illustration by Bong Abad/Gawakoto
Hello boys. I’m a lady grappler, here to give you the inside scoop on how to properly roll with women. Have you ever wondered, “What is the secret of successfully rolling with women?” or, “Am I supposed to roll with these graceful creatures differently?” or even, “Should I have to impress her?” If so, then this is the article for you. I’m a woman, so I know what I’m talking about.
· Use all your strength – women appreciate a feat of strength.
· Women need to practice real life defences, so make sure to imitate real life attacks and be as intimidating as possible. They’ll thank you for it.
· Never give up, never surrender. If she’s set up that armbar, do whatever is possible to not tap – hulk out, muscle out, anything – women do not respect a man they can beat.
· If the woman DOES complain about strength, be their grappling dummy. Go limp and completely disengage. She’ll be grateful for the incredible opportunity to practice attacks.
· Remember that you are not there to impress her, so make sure not to shave or shower before class – this is not dating. It’s totally okay to smell like a man the way God intended!
· Telling off-colour jokes or referencing women’s bodies will help her feel at ease and let her know you think of her as one of the guys. This works especially well when sparring.
· Some women worry about being too manly or aggressive, so be sure to tell her how nice she smells, or how soft her skin is. It is more effective if done quietly by whispering it in her ear.
· Be sensitive. Women cry a lot, so ask her several times while rolling if she’s going to cry.
· Apologize as much as possible. Seriously. Women are physically more sensitive and should know how bad you feel for putting too much pressure on them.
· Be sure to remind her that she’s good…for a girl. She should be constantly reminded how special and lucky she is that she’s doing a man’s sport.
Disclaimer: Following these rules may be hazardous to your health and lead to a loss of women at your gym. Jiu Jiu cannot be held responsible for what happens if you are dumb enough to actually do these things.
About the author: Julia Johansen, aka Jiu Jiu, is jiu jitsu practitioner in Seoul. Her co-dependent relationship with jiu jitsu began in 2010. You can find more of her bjj writing at jiujiubjj.com or email her at firstname.lastname@example.org
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